Side stepping off my last post, I wanted to go further and mention that as much as I have realized (more recently than not) that I don't need for much in this world, there was a time when I was greedy and wanted what I wanted cause gosh darn it I worked hard and I wanted it, so there! Yes, I've grown up since then thankfully. I don't think I could tolerate being in the same room as that person, and I'm pretty tolerable. Now because I have a past, I also have debt. Lots.of.debt. I am currently trying to crawl out from under that so that I can possibly move forward and leave it where it should be...next to the tantrum child I described above.
So I sought out for a job that would provide for me now, and help me shovel the dirt (in forms of green) over my hole of debt I had created.
I found my current job almost unexpectedly, but thanks to 'glowing' references, I was hired. For the first time in my life I was actually disappointed by this. I didn't want to leave my previous job, but I knew it was for the best. There was a need for me to start immediately, but I insisted on giving my two weeks notice. Although I knew the my new schedule would make it near impossible to help out there, I offered to stay on the payroll just in case.
I began my new journey in my current job in the beginning of October last year. And what a journey it has been! In all fairness, despite being saddened by the reasoning of being there, I felt it necessary to make the best of it. It's not in me to be pessimistic. I generally approach every situation with an open mind, ready to give the benefit of the doubt in clear hopes all will work out with a balance in the end.
Well, I have to say approximately 4 months later...my current workplace has done everything short of smash my head in with the kitchen sink to make my life seem utterly chaotic. It's very difficult for me to put this into words(but I'll try to create a visual).
I hit the ground running...attempting at a straight line, but often being shoved off course. Two visions come to mind:
One memory I have is of a squirrel who must have been clipped by a vehicle and was running from one side of the road to the other frantically in circles. Clearly blinded by confusion it covered the same path over and back, searching for something familiar to take its hand and guide it out of this painful breathtaking moment.
Second (and what I have been envisioning coming next), a few years ago when Tim and I were headed home from a friend's wedding, we came across a fox who had been hit and left for dead. His hind quarters were stuck to the road because of the impact and he was screeching out in desperation. Each mournful sound shook my core. We pulled over and Tim tried to salvage the strength to do what he knew had to be done. He searched his car to find something that was strong enough to complete the damage.
I made the mistake of looking in the side mirror once to watch him bring his arm up and forcefully down and see the poor fox still crying out after each blow. Finally he succumb to the injuries and Tim scooped up the limp body and placed it well off the side of the road.
Now for those of you who try to read far too much into things, put down the phone...this is not a suicidal cry for help. I'm simply stating I am just about at my whit's end, BUT I am currently examining my options, and I know when the time is right, it will come to me.
Until then, I will forge forward as I always do. Thinking happy thoughts.
Happy...unicorn farting rainbow thoughts...
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